passion supressants

I'm happy to see the celebration at the end of my last post. It is difficult but prayer and Ritalin allow those pesky anti-study emotions to settle down. No I'm not on Ritalin but I'm sure it would work. I just have to ignore this other life calling to me. Arghgh! The time will come.

gimme the bag

It's only July but for me the summer is drawing to a close. In 2 weeks I will test out of my classes and have the remainder of July to fiddle around till graduation day August 3rd. HORAH! I'm buckling down and getting my work done, but it's so hard to concentrate. I've had senioritis since my Sophomore year so you can only imagine how harrowing it is to crouch over Astronomy and write papers for American lit... aaahgghhh and repeat Spanish frazes. Oh gosh. But it's ok. I simply need to hyperventalate into a paper bag and get back to the books. And here I go. To graduation and BEYOND! haha

The 'Aha' Moment

God's plan has always been to give us hope and a future, to prosper us and keep us from harm, but His plan can never be separated from a life devoted to Him. There is no hope - no future or security - apart from resting in His arms. And the only lasting prosperity and peace comes as we walk in step with His Spirit. Why do we not trust Him to fully guide our path? And why do we seek His plan for our lives without bothering to first seek Him?!

-Steve Troxell

Looks like Girl with the Red Balloon is something God wants out there. I just got in touch with my old e-mailing friend Melanie. I was e-mailing her to find out if she'd be willing to send a painting she made for me a while back for the logo of GwtRB and she was contemplating designing logo and offered to repaint the prophetic painting! GOD IS SO GOOOOOD! haha! Man, that picture has been burning a hole in my heart for quite some time. I'm excited to see what God will do about these other things in my life. LIKE
I need a band
I need a photo/audio visual guy/girl
I need a backer
I need to graduate

So I guess Mr. Troxell is saying I need to consult Him before I start walkin that path. Silly me, I should have seen it before.

twenty-somethings asunder

Why is it that us 20-somethings are so disheartened? Is the view of our futures so bleak? Were our dreams so high and the reality in which we've found ourselves so low and far apart? We are blooming, and budding, and coming to an awakeness that is cold and chapped feeling. The difference between what we want and what we can achieve in this damp economic climate is so taxing on a young heart. I feel as though the scales from my innocent youth have finally fallen from my eyes, and what was once rose colored is now bland gray and black. It can't be depression because I know those other 20-somethings see it too. Is this what Eve felt and Adam too when they tasted of the fruit of truth?
So I ask, should we give up? What do we do when hope and reality are so far apart and the oceans that connect them are filled with piranha and brooding beasts? How do we bend the laws of gravity and thus vault our selves, our souls, to the other side without sacrificing the light we carry in our hearts? How? And who will guide us?
All I know is that there is a journey we must take. And those of us who choose to journey at all are only half of the population. And then there are those of us who will lose themselves along the wayside; giving in to vices, finding some mediocre ground to call home, or simply loosing heart. And what of us who make it finally to the other side? Will we alight there as whole as we were in body and soul as in the days of our youths, when our hearts were on fire with passions and alive with the world being as easy as right and wrong? Or will we arrive to our destinations only half of what we set out as? Will we become great people only as a shell of a person ourselves? Because the road is dangerous, and the pitfalls are many. The scars will be deep. Will we be OK?
I'm scared for us. Our only hope is that we can bend gravity.

Equate this!

I just traveled across the land to be right here-in this bed-snug in the hills of Pennsylvania. I woke up this morning with a cramp in my lower back. It had nothing to do with driving home today but everything to do with a math test that decides if I will graduate or not. It was wake up, pack the car, take the test, and then drive home. While I was cramming the last bit of formulas into my non-absorbent mind, all I could do was pray that God implanted the multiple choice answers into my brain instead of those wary formulas and percentages that kept eluding me. A, B, C, C, D, A, I can remember. But a-bx=34y to the tenth power is something that doesn't quite stick to my brain cells the way letters do... Regardless, I felt like I bombed the test. Each of the ten hours driving from the Springs to good ol' PA were like stepping out of a chilly day into a warm one... like walking across the pages of a boring book and right into those of my favorite book ever. Maybe it was 11 hours to get home (because I had to go the speed limit because I don't have a license... but that's another story all together), all the while I was claiming God as my God, my strength in my weakness. You know that feeling when you're nearing home. I get it every single time. The stores start to look familiar. The roads and turns are an imprint in your head, and for all the messed up stuff that can happen in a life... for all the confusion that goes with growing up, at least your home town is the same old same old... at least there is some kind of truth there. I really felt that tonight. Driving past the ball field across from our neighborhood pizza joint, meandering up my driveway; it all felt so good. So good I can't imagine a test score every dragging me down. Ah, home. I don't think I'll wake up with a knot in my back here.

to the limit

Today I finally finished intermediate Algebra. It sounds so lame, I know, but it took me MONTHS to get here. Tomorrow is the grand finale. THE TEST. Dear God, help me to knock this one out of the ball park.

Girl with the Red Balloon

Check out my new and upcoming site, Girl with the Red Balloon at http://blog.crystalcheatham.com
As soon as I get the page up and running it'll be my new home. Check it out and let me know what you think peoples.