I'm on a new diet for the new year. Yeah, orignal, I know. But it's become one of those things I just have to do.
(cue music)"dun dun dun, or else."
It's going to be kick ass hard, but I just keep telling myself that I'm an Israelite that needs to get through the dessert to the promised land.
"ah, I will get there."
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
dreamin of a small wire
Lately I've been writing grad applications. Lately I've been reading Anne Sexton. I'm not a poetry kind of gal, but I like her. And I love her.
They say that when the economy is bad people apply to grad school in the masses. And these words are pointed at me to say in a round about way that my once slim chance of getting in to grad school are even slimmer now. Is it my fault? I stand and I wait to feel my natural reaction come. I dig deep inside and I feel the dirt there and think that maybe I should be ashamed. I also feel the dirt and see that maybe I should back down and change my plans. And I dust that dirt off because I simply can't do those things. There is silver wire buried under those things. I grasp it with the tips of my fingers and then my whole hand. With a tug I feel that it's tied tight to my dream. I feel it strong and whole. It is taught and I pull it up with a spattering of those dirty things and let it lay above the ground. It will lead me to my dream. And as long as the wire is there the masses cannot stop me from completing my journey.
SMALL WIRE by ANNE SEXTON
My faith
is a great weight
hung on a small wire,
as doth the spider
hang her baby on a thin web,
as doth the vine,
twiggy and wooden,
hold up grapes like eyeballs,
as many angels
dance on the head of a pin.
God does not need
too much wire to keep Him there,
just a thin vein,
with blood pushing back and forth in it,
and some love.
As it has been said:
Love and a cough
cannot be concealed.
Even a small cough.
Even a small love.
So if you have only a thin wire,
God does not mind.
He will enter your hands
as easily as ten cents used to
bring for a Coke.
They say that when the economy is bad people apply to grad school in the masses. And these words are pointed at me to say in a round about way that my once slim chance of getting in to grad school are even slimmer now. Is it my fault? I stand and I wait to feel my natural reaction come. I dig deep inside and I feel the dirt there and think that maybe I should be ashamed. I also feel the dirt and see that maybe I should back down and change my plans. And I dust that dirt off because I simply can't do those things. There is silver wire buried under those things. I grasp it with the tips of my fingers and then my whole hand. With a tug I feel that it's tied tight to my dream. I feel it strong and whole. It is taught and I pull it up with a spattering of those dirty things and let it lay above the ground. It will lead me to my dream. And as long as the wire is there the masses cannot stop me from completing my journey.
SMALL WIRE by ANNE SEXTON
My faith
is a great weight
hung on a small wire,
as doth the spider
hang her baby on a thin web,
as doth the vine,
twiggy and wooden,
hold up grapes like eyeballs,
as many angels
dance on the head of a pin.
God does not need
too much wire to keep Him there,
just a thin vein,
with blood pushing back and forth in it,
and some love.
As it has been said:
Love and a cough
cannot be concealed.
Even a small cough.
Even a small love.
So if you have only a thin wire,
God does not mind.
He will enter your hands
as easily as ten cents used to
bring for a Coke.
this time it's different
Life is so fluid its hard to notice gradual change. But have you ever felt time slow around you? As if it were to congeal like jello. And your thoughts too, are easier to read and understand. I feel like that. I feel that some omnipotent hand has taken the rat race I've been running and hit the freeze frame button. And now with a finger waving at me I know that times are changing. That the Omnipotent power has told me to change.
In the frozen jello frame I've begun to peal back my layers like petals. He didn't ask me, he told me. And the strangest thing is I knew it was coming. If he had told me to change some three months ago I couldn't have. Because it wasn't possible back then.
And now? The light was flicked on, the power was plugged in, the gun was sounded in the race and once again I'm going through the fluidity of life. But this time in a new and wonderful direction. With his words He's changed me.
In the frozen jello frame I've begun to peal back my layers like petals. He didn't ask me, he told me. And the strangest thing is I knew it was coming. If he had told me to change some three months ago I couldn't have. Because it wasn't possible back then.
And now? The light was flicked on, the power was plugged in, the gun was sounded in the race and once again I'm going through the fluidity of life. But this time in a new and wonderful direction. With his words He's changed me.
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