we stray so far from eden

It's hard on your mind to believe that catastrophe is right around the corner.
What am I so afraid of?
I used to believe that doom was waiting for me, but I realize that I don't have to be afraid. It's just life. My only regret is that we don't get to live this twice. Only one time through so catch the peep show now. It's literally do or die.
So now that I'm set on doing instead of cowering... or measuring out my days with the relativity of time, I think I'm pealing off the layers of scared and stepping out my window legs and ass first. Or maybe shoulders and arms first. One never knows with these things. After all it's just life.

I used to think that I had to be farther along in my success by now, or that there was a special trick you had to pull to make it all come together. I used to think that success came with straining life through a purifier. But you can't strain life. You don't get to sift through it and find all the goodness and keep it for yourself. Life isn't a skittles bag... if it were I'd only eat red. But I guess it's all there. The success, the pain, the crappy beginnings (like living in BS town).

we stray so far from eden. i guess that's why he came back for us. so that we could put him in our pockets and carry him around. i think i'm ready. to carry him around. who'da thought it would all be so portable... haha...

whose a bean?

To my SupaDoopa,

Although I try to be a coffee bean... sometimes I feel like a carrot. And with other things I've often fought not to be an egg...
But what matters most is probably my inability to change the process of being boiled. Because life is doled out in seasons. It roles, it takes effect, and those chemical reactions are simply that; chemical.
I guess what I'm trying to say is
I understand the adversity will come. I know we each have our time. I believe that I'm in a valley, and might complain at the distance, the terrain, the lack of scenery, or just the length of time passing.
But as long as I have choice- which is the unconditional element in this chemical reaction -I can make my carrot faze or my egg-like haze
into coffeeee
strong, aromatic, coffee.

Thanks for the story. I almost didn't read it ;)

life in the raw

only yesterday i lived life in the hypothetical; life, if you will, in the assumed position.
today that all has stopped. i'm back to the center; the center, if you will, of my me
humbled to be level headed, again.
without extremes, if's, and's, but's, or supposedly so's.
just life in the raw.
my defenses were blown away.
what's left is fragile.
not quite up for the battle, but willing to see it through
it's good, life that is. it's good and some of it's bad
but that's ok too.
life in the hypothetical was yesterdays news
and now.
now i'm back to living.
just me and my me in the unassumed position.

ashes ashes

ring around the roses
pocket full of posies
ashes ashes
we all fall down

i'm a wimp

just happy

Have you ever felt like God gave you a gift? I feel that way. Like he set it up in my path ages ago and I've just come around to realizing I wanted it. I can't help thinking, "Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will open. Seek and you will find." I think that when God has put something in your path and he wants you to have it, you simply have to follow those three little steps. ask. seek. knock.
For the first time in my spiritual walk I can honestly say I connect with David on a new level. In the book of Psalms he's always going on and on about exalting God. He says even God's name is music to his ears. He loves to hear his name spoken.
I feel that way about God. Hearing other people say his name and their stories of trust in him makes me all tingly inside. It's like being in love. I've never experienced these feelings for God. But he's so beautiful to me. I love him. I really truly love him.
That love makes me think he can do anything with my life. Anything at all and I know I will be happy. He's in charge. I've never been so happy about not being in control.

live through this

Matthew 9:16-17
"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from teh garment, making the tear worse. Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

the Stars
"Live through this, and you won't look back."
"When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set soul on fire."

Anne Sexton
"My faith is a thin wire"

Dido
"Have you got it in you?"

Anis
"Shake the dust."

Me
"To be movers and shakers, we have to light up the darkness."