argh-matey

oh my gosh. my fingers are like jelly. it's been such a long time since i've let myself write. but it's great to be back getting my sea legs again. damn land lovers ruining my romance with the big blue yonder... the frosted white page; where the ink is smeared by my knuckles and the hours it takes to slave over the slow dripping words. to write. to be written. words are water beading and dripping from my cupped hands. I drink them and wash my face with them. i ride them on my ship muse. Her name is Imagination and we've been apart for far too long. far far too long.

Joy Ride

I just took a late night bike ride through berrien. I passed all my old residences. I trapsed through center campus. I looked at all the old buildings for the last time. This place has been a huge chunk of my life, I'm so excited to make memories that blow AU out of the water. Yay for life. Yay for late night rides on my speed demon bike. If only school had gone by so fast... haha

i wish i was more than i am

Green Cathedral

You know my home pastor has 3 churches to minister in? I think the original idea of having a pastor whose entire job is to maintain and lead a church was put in place to stimulate community and family growth. Every family needs a leader. Every organization needs a president; someone to give the final verdict. Someone to unite when times are tough and to give encouragement.
Less pastors on the scene only reflects the dedication of the church body. Where are we? Why aren't we gathering? Whenever I walk into a church I see kids, some teenagers and old people. Where are the twenty-somethings? Where are the late teens? Where are the early thirty-something members?
To me all I see is one solid and saddening truth. The churches are dying.
I love religion. I used to love church... Today is the Sabbath and instead of going to church I rode my bike to the woods and soaked my feet in a stream. God was there, in the breeze till the mosquitoes started biting and chased me away. But what is it?
What are we running from?

balloons of thought

To me via Txt from Anthony:
Remember this is a growing living thing. For it to mature it has to stumble and even fail. I'm saying this because I know you want this experience to be perfect. You will want people to see the red balloon and get super excited! I'm really happy that your so focused but I just don't want you to be discouraged. This experience will be amazing but it may not go how we expect. But it will only make us learn. We will know what to do next time. This is still huge though. Our opportunity is huge and your doing a lot to make it happen. Just remember however this turns out it will only make the future better

To Anthony via Txt from me:
Thanks Anthony. I keep telling myself that but its good to hear it. There are all sorts of things I'm trying to battle subconsciously and i guess that faith is the only thing that can balance the doubt and worry with the passion and vision that I have. And that faith goes farther than succeeding, it stretches into failure as well. God is in it all. So thanks. I'm confident in Him.

bobbles

love is red
are you the one with the red balloon?

if love was a color, what would it be?
I think love is red

reaching

Let your guard down. Your shoulders need to relax. There is nothing else besides God. So if you continue to search here, or go back and search out there, you will not end up with a different verdict. Your heart knows it. Your body aches to know it. Jesus is the only answer that makes the equation of life logical.

The birth of a Muse

There are special milestones in the life of an artist that mark, shape, and help to define our careers. The truth is, an artist lives in the metaphysical realm of thought. And in this realm passions reign supreme. Most of the time we have more passion than creativity or means by which to make all that we feel become tangible. The huge task in the life of an artist is to somehow make the whirlwind of emotion inside of us become physical, touchable, and translatable to others.
The other part of an artists journey is simply discovering what it is we are trying to say. The best thing to do is to throw it out there, splash it on a canvas, record it on a track, or scribble some words onto a page, and hope that by some magical means it comes back to you complete and accepted by the world.
Today I feel that. I feel the metaphysical part of my being becoming a bit more, well, real. Like a hovering something just now after 24 years getting it's toes to touch the ground.
What brought this on? What makes today the day that my muse becomes part human?
Well, it's the day my creations came alive!
Yeah, it's that simple. Thank you Melanie. Thank you Anthony. Thank you God.

skinned knees and knuckles

Well. It's time to move on. I'm closing this chapter of my life. And now, ladies and gentlemen. The show must begin :)

I tried to climb the hill. I should have stopped when the dirt caked up my shoes and ruined what little traction I had. I should have turned around when it came all the way up to my knees and muddied my pants. Even once more I should have called for help when holes were torn into my clothes and my knees were skinned raw; from all that reckless climbing. But I kept onwards and upwards... and now my knuckles are just as blotchy as my knees and I fear the only thing I haven't given is the one thing that makes me, well, me.
So I've decided to leave the mountain climbing for those prepared to offer what the terrain demands. I on the other hand will ride hot air balloons, escalators, and jet packs to the top. Don't worry because I'm not. I will get there... I've always been the dreamer in a pack of reality thinkers and it's time I joined my natural crowd.
I will get there... and my skinned knees and knuckles will have healed.

Que sera, sera

It's finals week. Two tests down. Two more to go. Two papers to write, and an interview to give. Three days from now I'll be chillaxing in the wings of the Sabbath.
To tell you the truth I'm scared to death of my Spanish test tomorrow. There's so much I know and then there's a grand void of things I just don't know... The question is no longer about whether I will jump or not, now I'm wondering if I'll sink or swim. Nobody told me what would be on my test. I couldn't help but flip out a little bit to God this afternoon. I was doing my best to write conversation. I started to cry when I realized that I could read the language but was having trouble forming correct syntax on my own. Twas the straw that broke the camel's back, I guess. Before I stepped away from my work and took a break I opened my Bible. I'm claiming this passage here and now. So que sera, sera. From here on out whatever will be will be. I will not cry or complain because it's not so much about sinking or swimming, it's more about the assurance that I have a loving savior who is Lord of every element and every law... even those binding together the cosmos of Spanish. haha....
Psalms 105:7-
He's God, our God, in charge of the whole earth. And he remembers, remembers his Covenant for a thousand generations he's been as good as his word. It's the Covenant he made with Abraham, the same oath he swore to Isaac, the every statute he established with Jacob, the eternal Covenant with Israel, Namely, "I give you the land. Canaan is your hill-country inheritance." When they didn't count for much, a mere handful, and strangers at that, Wandering from country to country, drifting from pillar to post, He permitted no one to abuse them. He told kings to keep their hands off: "Don't you dare lay a hand on my anointed, don't hurt a hair on the heads of my prophets."
My heart thrives with this message because it is meant for me as well. If it is in his book I claim it as a promise for my own life. So even if God has to bless me with the gift of tongues for two hours tomorrow morning, I have faith in passing that test. Because He is God, and I am His Crystal.

passion supressants

I'm happy to see the celebration at the end of my last post. It is difficult but prayer and Ritalin allow those pesky anti-study emotions to settle down. No I'm not on Ritalin but I'm sure it would work. I just have to ignore this other life calling to me. Arghgh! The time will come.

gimme the bag

It's only July but for me the summer is drawing to a close. In 2 weeks I will test out of my classes and have the remainder of July to fiddle around till graduation day August 3rd. HORAH! I'm buckling down and getting my work done, but it's so hard to concentrate. I've had senioritis since my Sophomore year so you can only imagine how harrowing it is to crouch over Astronomy and write papers for American lit... aaahgghhh and repeat Spanish frazes. Oh gosh. But it's ok. I simply need to hyperventalate into a paper bag and get back to the books. And here I go. To graduation and BEYOND! haha