My 28th Day

Oh goodness...
These past few days/weeks I've been pacing. Mentally that is; back and forth over whether I trust Him or not. This mental scale tipping is not something that I would suggest doing if you are in a tight squeeze. The bible specifically tells us not to worry. And I, fighting through a great deal of pride, have been struggling under my own financial burdens. I give it to Him, and then unbeknownst to me, my doubts and abundant trust in money and it's power take over me. That is when I simply take my burden from my saviours hands and lasso it my own back. But what a weight! What a crushing feeling! And He says "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25)"
Then I say "but Lord, how can I acquire these things if I am not thinking about them?"
"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:27)"
"I know I shouldn't worry, I just can't see the possibility of avoiding it! Especially when I need these things now!" This is when I get angry. This is when my heart wants to explode because I feel backed into a corner. But Jesus (his name means God with us) is so patient, so ready to answer and console me saying, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)"
And so I present. I tell Him how I am angry, and how I am affected by the waiting process. And He tells me to forget it, and "When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.(Luke 12:11-12)"
Even up till the last moment we are asked to go in faith. Till we are in front of those with authority over the things we need and hold dear. Without His word as a light, as a guide for my feet and path, I would stumble! I would pick my own way and never see what my mustard seed sized faith amounts to in the daylight. So, I will persevere. Simply because He says "Joy comes in in the morning." And since I'm looking at Him and not my own feet or the sky around me, I won't know when morning is until He tells me. Hows that for a dependant relationship? And He would have it no other way...