Limerick

Today was the strangest day. I'm not even sure I lived it yet. I woke up this morning and talked to God about some personal things that have been on my heart. Usually I try to make time for Him in the morning. I attempt to ingest a slice of scripture. At the least I talk to him in the shower or on my way to work. But today I woke up with dread. Have you ever felt that? My mind was heavy with worry and negative wonder before I was fully awake. Usually those moments we spend between worlds whilst waking are where we remember our true selves. The time of day where there is no pressure to be or do or need... Of course it quickly dissipates into forcing ones self out of a cocoon of warmth (*sigh in remembrance). Today I was robbed of that whole modus operandi. It seems that my mental morning ritual was strained and stressed. I woke up sweating and anxious; about what I know not. But I went about my morning as usual and everything seemed fine. Then work, then class... And here is where the feeling came back. I didn't know how to shake it friends.
After class I had Pedro, a cup of coffee, and about $10 in gas. There are a plentitude of things I could have done with such provisions. What did I do?
Every week I seem to have a song of choice. This week I can't stop listening to "Sound of Melodies" by Leeland. So down went my windows and up my volume. And I was filled with praise, almost to the point of tears. So strange... my heart was so full. So full of just... mirth. What's another word? Something better than merriment? Joy? Gosh... the English language is limiting. I needed to talk and to be understood. I needed to cry. I needed someone. I needed my dad.
In the six years since his death I have not once visited my dads grave. Of course there have been plans and dates set to visit... But I guess my explanation for why I never did requires insight from the bible. 'There is a time for everything.' I read that last night, before I fell asleep. Gosh...
And so... me and Pedro traveled to Limerick Memorial Gardens to visit dad. It was the perfect evening to go... Just Spring.
I'm not sure what else I can say now. I'd like to keep going, tie it all up in a nice ending for you, but I'm still not sure why I made that trip, and what it means to me now... I do know that it was perfect. That and something in me is changing. Something... *sigh