With One Life

Saturday I stood up in church during the testimony time to tell everyone that I was going back to AU next year. This went over well, of course they were all proud I was returning to finish my education. I then told them that my goal for the summer was to sing as much as possible, write as much as I could, and sell as many Cd's as I could get out. The goal being to raise $40,000 for tuition and school. All the while thinking, My God is Bigger than this sum!
Since I said those words there have been moments of absolute reassurance that I can do this. Then there are times when I just don't believe in myself at all. Those times are always eaten away with the acidic and addictive allure of hope. It's seeping in through the cracks in the walls. Everywhere I turn I am finding affirmation and support for this summers work. I honestly, and wholeheartedly believe I can do this.
When I stood up to speak in church I could read my fellow members eyes. Some glazed over, not even hearing my words. Some wouldn't meet my eyes. But there were so many of them who nodded in deep approval. For those who couldn't see my vision, maybe they are right in their own way, to believe that this large goal is unreachable in one summers work. But they can be right in their own old way. I'm just happy that I'm young enough to not see what they have seen of the world; to not feel the disappointment of pushing and shoving and not receiving any support in return. I'm glad my experience on this earth is innocent enough to not be so utterly disappointed in my fellow man, in my own ability, that I let it crowd out my abounding faith in what my Father can do. I refuse to let fear hold me back. He's DYING to do this for me, I know it! He's crying out to do it for anyone, he just needs us, wants us to ask it of Him; to expect it of Him. And this is the place where I will fight my battle from. In the old testament, when God was asked who he was, his simple yet ever perfect reply was "I Am." And yes He Is. Capable. Ready. Willing. Powerful. Omnipotent. Strong Enough. My Father. I Am. He can, and I am willing to be his instrument this summer. It's so scary, but I'm so ready for this adventure.