it's this whole thing about self that has me confused. if you are not happy and you don't know how to be happy, do you do more for yourself or for other people?
i've been here at the caucus for 3 weeks now, and i feel useless. i spend a lot of my time on the internet or writing my devotional. i'm greatful for the time to write, but i flew halfway around the world for this? on my mother's dollar? i'm angry because i feel a bit taken advantage of. what i imagined this internship to be and what it has turned out to be were two very different things. is that my fault? have i tried to make the most of it? or am i ungrateful and selfish? where does this stuff weigh out? stuff like this used to make sense to me. now i can't see heads or tales of any one situation. the damn zebras' all mesh together.
i guess i have to try harder to put myself aside. i have to accept that i'm not here to heal. i'm here for mom, for christine, for whatever God has in store for me. no more pity parties. i have to try a little harder, stand a little taller. help out more, give of myself just as Christ gave of himself. God help me to see the black and white, cuz all i see is gray.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment