Today I actually broke down and checked my flight itinerary on BritishAirways.com. I came into the office in near tears. And when they finally broke free and poured down my face I thought I couldn't take the loneliness anymore. If my mother hadn't called offering gifts of support from family and friends at home the floodgate of tears would have happened so much sooner. I think it's all due to the fact that I've pissed away my second weekend in Kenya and still have no extravagant experiences to show for it. In short, I'm bored. I'm also not entirely healed from my semester of stress and pain. It's a good thing I brought my extra Bible to the office or I would have cried all afternoon. I was clicking through my flight details to figure out if I could leave early. I think I can deal with the loneliness, it's just the lack of adventure that is whittling away at my sanity. I realize that I'm sacrificing a lot for this Kenya trip and nothing seems to be coming of it. Nothing so far. God is bigger, I know, but when I think about it this trip puts me in the negative.
1. Because of my time here I won't get to go to Italy--not enough $ and not enough time (Italy was the BIGGEST reason why I wanted to go to the UK in the first place...)
2. It doesn't seem to be that Kenyans are in the proper financial state to purchase Cd's-- I need to pay for that brand spankin new laptop I got
3. I have an unquenchable desire to explore but my benefactors are so busy, there is little time to do anything but sit in the house.
Now, these are my issues and I need God to work them out. I just don't have the brain power or the strength.
One thing good that is coming of all this is that I am finding time and information to write my devotional. Waking up early and getting into the office is proving very lucrative for my thought process. And I finally found a place to run. Although it's a stretch to say that I will be ready for my marathon. *sigh... God is Bigger
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When seeds are planted it is not yet determined what will become of them, but one thing is for certain, an aspect of life has been implanted into the mind of those grazed. The lack of money, or the lack of sales should never determine the stride of our walk; God will provide. Like you said: "God is bigger."
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