And so on

I have been working out for a while but I havn't been running. Today I attempted my easy 1.5 mile jog around campus. News for me when it wasn't so easy. I even had to stop and walk. WHAT THE NESS! Good news is I've been working out other ways, walking, swimming, weight lifting. All in all my body looks exactly the same. Haha, go figure. Ah, well, we can't have it all...

If I Were A Boy

Sometimes I wish I were more of a boy. Boys are so easily detached from the things they do. I'm finding more and more how often I have to mentally stop and remind myself that I can't be attached to something emotionally. It's a bit much to always have to be checking yourself. But on the other hand, great writers are those who have a come to an agreement with their emotions and can attach and detach for some fine mingled writing... Someday. Someday that'll be me. Just not today.

My Poor Babies

It's been a while since I've been here! MAN I miss it. I don't even know where to begin. If I just post a blog like I did a month ago it will feel artificial because it has been so long. But if I rattle on like this maybe it will make the transition back into blogging easier. Maybe....

Last night the Eagles LOST. We were sacked a total of 12 times. I could say that all of our best players were on the sidelines with injuries... but truthfully I don't think it would have mattered. We were slaughtered. And now the Eagles will take their BYE week and hopefully put it to some good use with some skill rejuvenation. It's looking like a bad season regardless... The bottom of the totum pole. Ho Hum. Life goes on...

Ten Prayers God Always Says Yes To:

Anthony DeStephano writes about the conception process. When you were made there were about half a billion other possibilities of humans that could have come into being (ahem, sperm). And in this slim space of time that is allotted to conceive, that one sperm found that one egg and created you. How slim the chance that any of us are alive! And so he writes...

"From a strictly statistical point of view, your presence on this planet is a miracle. At the very dawn of your life you had to overcome overwhelming odds--odds higher than any you will ever have to face in any other situation. No matter what you may think of yourself now, you are already an "overachiever" of the highest caliber... No matter what ills may befall you in life, no matter what suffering you may be forced to endure, no matter what family or money problems you may eventually have to face, it is imperative that you understand this: You came into this world as a champion. Victory was your starting point." (167, 178)

Today Pastor Dwight Nelsons sermon touched me as it has never done before. Actually the whole service was a significantly powerful, spiritual event. It seemed to be that every person was praising, worshiping and giving of themselves wholehearted and freely. But what struck me the most was what Pastor Nelson seemed to be saying. He spoke to us all, as a whole, about this very subject. About how each of us is chosen to be here. Special, unique, and in a way Champions. Because I sang with the choir I had the opportunity of being on stage. Looking out upon all those listening and attentive faces it was as if we were coming to a realization about race, about position, about status, popularity, and personal success. We are all created equal. We are all here to pursue our individual Divine destiny. Chosen, if you will, to live in this fallen world. Chosen to have choice! The truth in this realization is astounding. Andrews University prides itself on our multicultural campus. We are exquisitely diverse and sometimes saddeningly segregated. Oh what we could do if we were to come together as we do in church, with the powerful act of fellowship. How else are we to conquer our given territory if we do not band together? "A chord of three is not quickly broken." And each of us, given our divine tasks has a destiny to accomplish. We are chosen, and we, each of us, is meant to be here. The message is simple. Beautiful. True.

Here are some quoted texts from the sermon.
"The LORD your God has chosen you." Deuteronomy 7:6-9
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; Before you were born, I set you apart." Jeremiah 1:5
"For it pleased God in his kindness to choose me and call me, even before I was born!" Galatians 1:15
"YOu made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb... You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day has passed." Psalm 139:13,16

"As surely as John the Baptist and the Lord Jesus was born with a divine destiny, so were you! Not the same destiny but the same divine chooser who chose you to become the chosen."
-Dwight Nelson

Faith Like Popeye

I'm at AU now. Ali and I journeyed here from PA last Wednesday. After all I went through trying to get my car fixed, packed and on the road I didn't think anything else could go wrong. Once we cleared my home town my goodbyes were done and as far as I was concerned I was at AU. But not so. About three hours into our ten hour drive my car started making crazy weird noises. I swerved from the far left lane over to the shoulder on the right (without taking anyone down with me). I slightly remembered hearing my car thud over something moments before the sound. Before I even got out of my car to look at my rear tire I knew. I even started praying that it wasn't true. It always turns out that you are paranoid about something like a flat tire, but then when you finally get one you realize how truly screwed you are! I had a flat tire. It was completely flat. Like.... dead flat. And not an island of homeland near by. I think that was the worst part, knowing that I was not in my safety net bubble of home/mom/puppy or AU. AKA free falling in the boondies of PA.

So I panicked. Called mom, realized there was little she could do for me but suggest that I change the tire. ME? Change a TIRE! And there, nearly crying in my blue VW bug with Ali tapping on my window wondering why we stopped, I suddenly had to grow balls. I would liken it to when Popeye downed a can of spinach, you could literally see his muscles sprouting in his arms, legs, and neck. So it might have been with me when I chased away my fear and annoyance by downing a nice tall glass of faith. It's amazing that stuff. Sticks to your insides, puts hair on your chest, what have you. Well whatever it does I now know for sure that it has the power to propel you out of a dire situation.

Ali and I unpacked my overflowing trunk. Found the spare that wasn't a spare at all but a real tire, and proceeded to learn how to use a jack, a wrench and lug nuts. I don't think it could have been more than twenty minutes and we were on the road again. Situation under control; crisis being left in the dirt on the shoulder as we speed off down the highway. Just another hurtle.
And now that I've started school, taken care of various responsibilities, each in which I required varying dosages of faith, I look back on my flat tire experience and wonder, after all that, will I ever walk away from God as the Israelites did? Will I ignore His words and say "where are you God?" or "Where were you when I needed you." The truth is I have, and I will. It's sad, but that's what I'm learning. Faith is something acquired, and I have to keep growing it and really on past situations to feed it's ever growing and changing flames. I don't want to be like an Israelite, always forgetting my Hero. But to get there I guess I need more seat-of-the-pants, in-the-nick-of-time experiences to fall back on and remember. Oh life, what a journey.

My 28th Day

Oh goodness...
These past few days/weeks I've been pacing. Mentally that is; back and forth over whether I trust Him or not. This mental scale tipping is not something that I would suggest doing if you are in a tight squeeze. The bible specifically tells us not to worry. And I, fighting through a great deal of pride, have been struggling under my own financial burdens. I give it to Him, and then unbeknownst to me, my doubts and abundant trust in money and it's power take over me. That is when I simply take my burden from my saviours hands and lasso it my own back. But what a weight! What a crushing feeling! And He says "For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25)"
Then I say "but Lord, how can I acquire these things if I am not thinking about them?"
"And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? (Matthew 6:27)"
"I know I shouldn't worry, I just can't see the possibility of avoiding it! Especially when I need these things now!" This is when I get angry. This is when my heart wants to explode because I feel backed into a corner. But Jesus (his name means God with us) is so patient, so ready to answer and console me saying, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)"
And so I present. I tell Him how I am angry, and how I am affected by the waiting process. And He tells me to forget it, and "When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.(Luke 12:11-12)"
Even up till the last moment we are asked to go in faith. Till we are in front of those with authority over the things we need and hold dear. Without His word as a light, as a guide for my feet and path, I would stumble! I would pick my own way and never see what my mustard seed sized faith amounts to in the daylight. So, I will persevere. Simply because He says "Joy comes in in the morning." And since I'm looking at Him and not my own feet or the sky around me, I won't know when morning is until He tells me. Hows that for a dependant relationship? And He would have it no other way...

Hanson Place SDA

These pictures are all from Saturday. I had the chance to sing at the Hanson Place SDA church in Brooklyn and it was amazing. We really had a great time. It's not to often that you get the chance to put on a concert with two other artists that you love and respect. Further more, it's not often that these two artists attended the same academy and toured in the same choir as you. Terrel and Ali are brilliant God fearing performers, artists, and writers. Sharing a stage with them was an honor. It was a nice finale (thank you Jesus) for a summer of random performances and blessings.

After the concert (magnificently MCed by Nevy and his cousin), we all headed out to Juniors for dinner. It was great parading up the streets of Brooklyn with people that I hadn't shared company with in years. All of us crowded at a table passing around bowls of pickles, corn bread, and cheese cake. Laughing and joking over hulking meaty burgers and mounds of french fries. It very well could have been a table in the cafe at BMA, or even at Andrews for that matter. How small our world of Adventism really is. Good Times. Enjoy the pics.

Terrel Jamin, switching from piano to guitar and then back (like a pro)

Ali and I traded off so that we could have a chance to talk about ASK, our artist sponsorship program.

Ali started off the whole night. Which is quite brave because you never know how an audience is going to warm up or respond to you at first contact. Kudos to Ali!

Ali and Terrel before the concert.

Some of the crew that met us at Juniors







....and Ali

GIP! THis is Trisha, my favorite ever.

Edson and Ali. Edson played drums for Terrel. What skill what skill.

That's me sneaking into Nevy and Arthurs ganstER posing pic. Arthur came all the way from Boston to chill with us. Hahah good times.

Apply Grace Here

I am at my whit's end. I need some grace. I could go for some mercy. And if it's available, I'll have some divinely prepared TLC.

Keep me in your prayers. Please

Exciting Things!

The Philadelphia Eagles: Our chance to return to glory! Let the season BEGIN! I've already been sporting my #5 McNabb jersey. Hopefully soon I will aquire Westbrook's blazing #36. All in good time.

Harry Potter: Utterly obsessed with JK Rowling. What a brilliant woman. So glad/so sad to get my hands on the 7th and last Harry Potter. Boo hoorah! The book was AMAZING, as promised. JKR does promise a HP encyclopedia. For crazed fans that is (aka me). Not in the near future, but eventually. And if you find yourself craving some exclusive Harry Potter conversation over the Deathly Hollows visit PotterCast. It is a haven.

SCHOOL!: Oh horah! When I think of AU I think SOCIAL LIFE! One major thing I traded in when I took my sabbatical here in the hills of PA. Although family is a nice plus, and *sigh they will be missed...

Take Me Away

As you know, we flew to Houston in First Class. It's amazing how God works. We were flying down the highway due to poorly measured time. Apparently we had allotted too little for the tasks between leaving home and boarding the plain. But as we stood at our boarding gate, milling around with the other travelers, sweat dripping from our foreheads, we sought out two seats in the overly crowded waiting area. Just as we sank comfortably into the booty rounded seats our names were called over the loud speakers. In an airport, this usually isn't the best thing is it? Well we regathered our belongings and ventured up to the front to learn that we were, in fact, to be standing under the arrow that read "Elite Passengers" rather than the long twisting line of the "Other Cargo." And there it was. From Baltimore to Memphis (my birth place!) and Memphis to Houston we were offered special edible treats, grinning stewards running up and down the isles securing that our comfort levels remained at an all time high, while we remained in euphoria. Of course we complemented them by wearing nice big grins, symbolic of our grandiose seats with more than ample allotments of leg room; all the while wondering how on earth we went from racing on a slim and slender hope that our plane hadn't already left us to soaring Elitely over the many Southern and Western states that separate Houston from Baltimore.

From the airport we then ventured off to find our rental car. Seeing as how we had wagered Priceline.com down to $14 a day we figured our car would be a little put-put crapper. Low and behold (we honestly should have known), God's plans are ultimately bigger. It was true, that we had stepped out in the unknown realms that Faith often requires you to journey into. Going to Houston with only prayers that we would each be successful in our chosen tasks. God not only met us there, He flew along the whole way! When we wheeled our luggage into the car rental place we discovered that our car was a new 2007 VW Rabbit. Gentle audience, know that I am in love with anything graced with that precious V and W duo on it's hood. Naturally, I was in a locomotive heaven

One would think that the A++ treatment stops here. On the contrary! We then drove to our splendiforous hotel! Online it was a 3 star Hilton off in some corner of Houston. When we arrived it was a Four and a half star hotel, in which we had a gi-mungous room complete with a balcony that overlooked all of starry glistening Houston.

Then next day in church we discovered that our hotel was actually central to all of Houstons finest shopping. Haha.. Sunday we sought out for a beach where we could sit and read our books. (yes mom and I are dorky librarians. deal.) When we finally arrived on the beach we discovered, to our utter amazement, that we had faltered upon the Golf of Mexico. Amazing aye? And all from the works of One God.

Me singing on Sabbath

Me and mom at the Gulf

Venturing off to find a good reading perch

Remember all my prayers of finding tuition for school? School starts in 2 weeks and checks come in every day. How great is my God? Truly, how Great?

Elite Class

Houston is BRILLIANT. Consider me sold.
I've only been here a day and I'm in love, not only with the city but with the people.
GOD IS SO BIG! Miracle after Miracle, I can't even begin... My heart is so full. He brought us here for sure (mom and me, that is).
For starters, we rode first class. That's me and mom enjoying our preferred seating to the left there. Ha Ha. And that's just the beginning of the many perks we've been treated to on this trip. More on that when I get back to muggy PA though. For now, I'm livin in unexpected but very welcome bliss. Wish you were me? Yes? Yeah, I know...

BRB

Off to Houston. Wish me Luck!

Laurel Lake Camp

Friday afternoon I made the 4 hour journey to Laurel Lake Camp. Mind you it was supposed to be 4 hours. Somehow it managed to stretch itself into 5 and a half. With all the road construction and unavoidable back roads that lead to the tiny secluded camp, I didn't have much choice but to journey on, ever annoyed that the people in front of me were actually going the speed limit.
This summer I've been ripped out of my element time and time again. It's rather taxing, presenting your ideas and passion to a group of strangers and hoping that they come out the other side of the presentation having heard your message and (hopefully) loving they music in which it was delivered.
Oh Laurel Lake Camp (is the dearest and the best. haha). It was good times. I must say, Friday night sitting around the little Cabin Campfires relating and listening to everyones week, specifically how they were touched or moved by the camp experience brought back memories of my own teenage-infected time on that campus. But it was good, and they were good memories.
The last summer I worked there, I can remember standing on the balcony of the lodge talking to my mom. Besides the fact that it was such a beautifully starry night, I was on the deck because it offered me the best position, over all the acres of forest and field, for the strongly coveted semi sturdy cellphone reception. Rossiter really is deep down in the under belly of Pennsylvania. Anyway, Standing out there, mere months after I graduated from Blue Mountain Academy, I told my mom exactly what my heart was feeling. And that was what every college bound highschool graduate thinks of; what they want to do with the rest of their lives! And I knew, after all those weeks of singing for worship, of fellowship and seeing God work through a medium of concentrated faith and earnest action, that I wanted nothing more than to be a channel for Him to witness through. And my chosen medium, above all else would be music.
Friday night at the camp fires, when we all joined hands in the big circle and started to sing the last songs of the night, as we swayed and stared up at the glittery sky, the memory hit me. It hit me as a misplaced warm breeze in the cool night, oddly warming my body so that my hairs pricked and stood on ends. The breeze was inside me bowling over my organs till they were mush. It was as if He looked right back at me from the sky, scooped me up and gave me a kiss. "How great of Him," I thought, "to bring me back here when I've started my journey." Truly, how great of Him.
And the rest of the two day stay was a blast. I had a great time jammin with the staff on stage (mostly jumping around, but it was all in good fun.) It got to talk to the campers. Basically re experience what it is to live in a Pop Culture free environment. Gosh, it was beautiful.
The concert I gave was fun, even though it helped me realize some of my short comings and faults. But what is experience without learned growth in the end?
Denise, the camp director is a very special woman. It's true then, what the bible says about giving. If you give freely, you in return will be given to in an even larger and more astounding amount. Denise showed me that in a special way.
All in all it, it was good times. And now I ask God, what's next?

I don't Get it

I've been so mopey the last two days. I haven't worked out. I have had to force myself to call people and e-mail, basically finish things I started. Unmotivated. What gives? I don't know when it started but I suddenly had the urge to own a skateboard. OK correction. Own and ride a skateboard. Last night I reached the epitome of this desire as I mindlessly clicked out of my e-mail (where I do very important things I might add), to search for "pretty cool looking skateboards." Besides all the wonderful pictures that you can get on a board, I discovered that there are different lengths for different types of riders. New skateboards are invented every day. And they even have boards specially made for chicks. When I say specialy made I mean... the designs have pink skulls instead of red ones. Makes sense? Indeed...
Surprisingly, even though I had about a bajillion things to do this morning (Mostly call people back insuring that I Am NOT a Flake. Which is something I have to remind myself of every once in a while to stay on top of things.) I ended up at Target snooping up and down the isles in my raggedy jeans and Puma sneakers (the ideal skateboarder look, ahem...) searching for a skateboard. Once I found that tiny section of the store, located conveniently between the ilse with the helmets and the isle with the gauze, antiseptic, and band aids... (hahah I laugh!) I eyed my scanty pickings. Why do boys like skulls so much? This is a serious question people! Because I was forced to buy a lame one with a.... sappy design on it. So sappy I don't even know what it IS! Anyway, I'm standing there holding this skateboard looking at the price, remembering how much I have in my wallet, trying to remember why in the name of pain am I- a 22 year old heavy set musician- purchasing a skateboard? God knows... But I did. And I road it down my driveway a couple times. And now, despite my mopey crappy mood, I'm happy. Let that be a lesson to you! Whatever lesson you can gather from this, please let me know. Cuz I'm still quite clueless...

What a Good Life!

I'm having one heck of a summer. I love EVERY MINUTE OF IT. What is making it so freaking exciting? Traveling OF COURSE! I've been all over and this last month of the summer will only add to my constant geographical displacement. This weekend I'll either be in New York or Laurel Lake camp. Next weekend I'm in Houston, the weekend after that Seattle... I love being on the move. Good times. Anyway.

I realize that my blogs are little more than random information right now, BUT this will soon end. For those of you who do love my more elaborate/colourful writing, have no fear... soon it will return. Haha (I'm so weird) Anyway. Peace yall... go with blessings.

It is Finished

Last night I drove over to Dave and Chris's to pick up the demo. Signed a check and left with the discs in my hands. I was so calm it might have been shock, all I could think was "it's over..." I didn't pop it into the 6 disc changer in my trunk. I just rode home, in silence. All the while praying as doubts, fears, and disbelief poured over me. There I was wondering the back roads that link Delaware to my Pennsylvanian driveway, and in my solemn solitude I was fighting an internal war whose main subject was faith. Reader I almost cried. It was months ago, and this demo thing wasn't even an idea. It came to me that both Cd's that I have were created with very little planning. God just provided. So much lies on this music. So much. In my mind I was pleading with God, to make the demo what it needs to be to touch people. Faith. That is the underlying theme of the entire 6 song compilation. Faith. "And if I fail, I'm gonna fail big. And If I fall, I'm gonna fall for it all." I said those words didn't I? He put them in my heart, He attached them to my mind as I wrote... I didn't have a guitar and He got me one. I didn't know how to write music and He inspired me. Is there anything my God cannot do?

So there it is, On my Myspace. You can listen to the songs listed there or download them. Enjoy!

It's Finally Here!

Spider Pig, Spider Pig. Does whatever a Spider Pig does. hahahahaha

Visit What I've Been Waiting For All My Adolescence!

If I (Frickin-Frackin) Fall

MY DEMO IS COMPLETE! HORAH!
Folks. Give me days, mere moments. And I will have it online for your listening pleasure. And please, feel FREE to purchase any song that tickles your fancy. Cuz truthfully, it's all for you anyway!
Be blessed!
-Heart CDC

I've Created Life!

So it's final. The last leg of my musical summer's journey will take me to both Seattle, Washington and Houston, Texas. Gosh I'm excited for this adventure. No new word on opening for Leeland though. Oh but my spirits are up! And as I like to say, God is Bigger!

Hey, but I did just get a glimpse of my album cover. I'm proud I am! It's quite nostalgic though. The graphic designer took all sorts of scribblings and notes from my past (ahem, church and class doodling) and pasted them all over the cover and insides; bearing my insides! Can you believe it friends? What was theory, words, and orchestration is now becoming tangible in my own hands. I've never given birth, but making an album (well half of an album) has got to hold some of the key elements found in the birthing process. Haha! I would liken seeing this stage of the project to discovering the sex of the child in the womb. Not whole yet... not crying, sucking, and loving... but there, in theory none the less! Oh creativity it is a muse of it's own.

With Blue Wands

Oh these adventurous boys. Up and down ladders with towels and rags. Across and over with painters tape. Finally squating with brushes and rollers. Like big blue highlighters, blue washing the dingy white walls. And then the deciding and decifering. What furniture goes where. Laying out the rug. haha. Tuesday night this was what we did. Me and 5 boys. Once those lads get an idea they get it done. So here you have glimpsed a segment of the rejuvinationg process of one of the dingy classrooms in the basement of our church. The purpose of this makeover is to give the young adults a refuge from the youth/pre teen and all that is cradle roll. What brave boys. Watching them and participating in the grimy activity I had a sense that this is what we are all meant to do. Work together. Who has experienced more success than when they have come together in fellowship or as a group to get it done? Just a thought... Maybe the purpose of life is to work together. I do want Him to come back. Don't you? Can't we complete this work... somehow...

Good Neighbor Day

Sometimes I feel like a hollow shell of myself. Like my words and actions are bigger than I really am. I have all these pictures of me posing as an artist; I have my music page and all that ness... lyrics and Cd's; but mostly when I look at that stuff I feel much smaller and quite 'other', if you know what I mean.

Today was Good Neighbor Day in Downingtown. Basically it's a fair set up for the 4th of July and for once my family participated with a booth. Since we did it all with family friends I was selected to watch this and guard that whilst the business of fair making ensued.
I always wanted to be a street performer. In less than a week I've had two opportunities to jam openly for passersby; Just this past Sunday and then today. So after a while of dilly dallying my guitar trickled over from my car. Not long after that I was asked to play louder so my amp found a plug. Luckily I had an old mic in my moms car (and a mic stand, what luck!) and started Jammin! At first I was tentative to sing my songs. They are all Christian! And I just kept thinking "Jonah, Jonah, Jonah. Don't be ashamed of who you are." And then it was just another jam time. So great, until the rain started. I actually sold one CD. That and someone put dollars in my open case. hahaha cool beans.
After the rain shut me down I heard the tune up of a live band down at the main stage of the park. It just so happened that as I was packing up to go home when that same band took a cigarette break right behind Pedro. GOODNESS! So, (the inquisitive person that I am) I went to meet them. One word led to another and they invited me on stage!!!!!! HOORAH! So I jammed guys! 4 songs and a little back ground sax/drums later I floated off the stage. So HAPPY that I got to play for a full crowd of people/passersby. Beautiful

So I'm sure He knew of my sprouting and flourishing feelings of inadequacy blooming in my heart. And today, by letting me jam and play so freely (His music by the way) with such trained musicians, He let me know that YES, I am still so so small. But the good news is I'm still clay. And one day, by His grace, I will fill that very big mold He has set my heart to. Until then I will jam for random passersby and church folk alike.

Given to Arcadia

It's been a while since I've mustered up enough words to make complete thoughts here. But I just can't help telling you about this past weekend.

If you have been reading my blog you know that I live for the weekends. Well this past weekend was no exception. Tell me reader, how is it possible to see so much of God in mere people? In just folks? Have you ever felt the feeling, in this crazy confusing life that we live, that you had made it, at last, to a spot where you were supposed to be. Kind of like a check point. As if there is a route that we travel with our personal savour guiding us blindly through thick and then, only then to arrive at a beautiful sunlit and earth scented clearing that tells you, "yes, you are doing just fine."
My friends and I traveled to Albany New York to put on a Young Adult Sabbath at another friends church. We played we sang, canoed, swam, jumped on the giant trampoline, played games, and conversed of all sorts of wonders. Truly, I cannot imagine my life without these Christian friends. Nothing is sweeter than finding those few gems who share your same values, same beliefs, and further more, gems who will uphold a large measure of this accountability when their neighbor falls. Who can say there is anything greater than friendship?
I believe the saddest part of my weekend was leaving that friend rich Arcadia.
And to think, we were all gathered there in His name. "Where two or three are gathered in My Name, I am there." -the Bible ;)
Goodness, I want to be everywhere He goes.

and on it goes

I see evidence of God working in my life. Like little silt deposits left after a flood, I'm just following these small remnants of hope to the ocean. The one I know lies right over this dessert. I can smell salt in this dry breeze. Ah, I will get there!

Faith For Life

I was just having a conversation with someone about the strife one burdens through their 20's, dealing with plans for their future. Decisions having to do with ones career can be much more stressful than those found in your 40's. Simply for the fact that these propositions can lead to either warped and dilapidated or sturdy and self supporting foundations. And when you look at it like that one might produce a head of early grays. Ha, so I read this page recently, and thought I might share.

Remember, no more effort is required to aim high in life, to demand abundance and prosperity, than is required to accept misery and poverty. A great poet has correctly stated this universal truth through these lines:

"I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store.

"For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.

"I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid."

-Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich

And so In the beginning of the summer I asked and stated my purpose. And now doors are opening. Doors I do not think would have been revealed if I had not originally stated my purpose.
If you believe you will receive anything you ask for in prayer. The Bible doesn't lie.

North Carolina

From one church to another it was a great weekend to sit with family and friends in the south. Goodness, what a weekend. I can't imagine that it is finally over. I was finally able to meet Melanie and her splendid church that she raves about in her e-mails. I was finally able to sit down and have chats with family I havn't seen since my higschool graduation.

Ham and Buddy were there with me the whole time; from church to church and getting lost all over North Carolina. I truely was blessed this weekend. Thanks to my Aunt Jackie for helping me sing at not one church, but two during the same Sabbath at the same time. Haha, a little miscommunication but it worked out fine.

Gosh Melanie's church, the Fellowship of Christ, was great though. We had a BLAST! And I was able to get out a hefty amount of Cds so I'm a well rounded shape of happy!

Two out of the three churches invited me back after the weekend. I think I will take them up on that some time. Anyway. It was a grand ol' time.

For info on my new demo click here -----> IF I FALL

it's all fun and games

If you receive news of an upcoming appointment in the mail and then travel 3 hours to be there, you should make sure that you have the right date. Because if you don't, you could end up arriving a month early and not realize it until 40 minutes into the waiting process. Well... what can I say? Despite the obvious blowing of 40 hard earned dollars, I really had to laugh at myself after that.
And it was good thing I remained in good spirits because my day brings great smiles. Truly there is nothing greater than friendship.
'Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If on falls down his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.' -Ecclesiastes 5:9-12
Although in todays case there were 4 of us. Even better.

One on One

This morning I had the greatest worship. Increasingly my worships with Him become void of time and clock watching. Though, not by conscious choice. I actually lose myself in His words. It's less of a morning/evening ritual, rather a thirst or addiction that needs a fix. Ha. Jesus is my drug of choice. And He leads me as such. Because with addictions you end up doing things that you never thought you would do in a million years. There are a handful of things I never had the foresight to see in my life, but here they are, placed in my right hand and left hand. Each touched with gleams of heaven. *sigh my Creator is I Am.

Here is the passage I found so overpowering this morning.

Isaiah 40
1-2 Comfort, comfort my people, says your God. Speak tenderly to Jerusalem, and proclaim to her that her hard service has been completed, that her sin has been paid for, that she is received from the Lord's hand double for all her sins.
A voice says "Cry out." And I said, "What shall I cry?"
6-8 "All men are like grass, and alltheir glory is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever."
28-31 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
-NIV (Italics mean I really like it)

What hits so hard about these words is that they they are not talking about the future. Not about when we finally get to heaven. Or after I accomplish this and do that. No, these words are for us. For me. Today. If I surrender and submit my will to Him every day, I will soar on wings like eagles, I will run and not grow weary. What a gift. Read it again.

Music Gives You Wings

It's an incredible thing to watch a song come to life. Tonight, while Dave and I laid some of the tracks for the demo, I was just awed at how the music came alive. When I get to heaven I'm going to ask Jesus to show me where the songs are born. Because I know that they are living breathing things. Just like people they have the power to change your life. But better than people, songs can do it by walking right through you. Or settling just so on your chest, seeping into your heart, and becoming one with your soul. You know what I'm talking about. Everyone has that song in their head that plays whenever your day is at a lull. It changes from time to time. But it has a lasting effect. Where would we be without these songs. These lyrics made live by adding wings, legs and arms.
So it was a beautiful thing to watch my song go from a simple strum and melody line to a track with 3 guitars and room for back up singers with harmony to boot. Sitting there watching the music play across the computer monitor I couldn't help but note how happy I was. I just feel so blessed friends. So blessed.

Creativity, you really can't waste it.

Queen Of Ithaca

Ali is back from her travels of the other world. The world that is more educated and proper than the good ol' US! AUSTRIA. Yesterday we romped and played talked face to face for the first time in 9 months. I'm glad her traveling spirit has come to rest in my Philadelphian back yard. Seeing as how we are both the musician types we quickly fell to fiddling with those strings and notes and songs. I discovered that Ali is amaaaazing! on the guitar! man... She wont let me call her my better half so I'll call her my other half. Gosh, how I've missed that soul. I'm SO HAPPY that she's back. And if she ever tries to leave me again, I'll... just playing. I'm not crazy or anything. But seriously, she better not try. hahahahahahaha (muahahaha).

Git 'er Done

Recording for Grip of Grace the demo starts tomorrow night at 8pm. Pray for my efforts and wish me luck!

Live For Weekends

So, just some advice. If you are going to be away from a job for 4 days, you might not have a job when you get back. Which seems to be true for me. I guess I live for the weekends. During the week I'm running errands, waiting for contacts to get back to me, searching for scholarships, and floundering from one crappy job to another. The weekends are God inspired and God breathed. They literally take my breath away. I wish the rest of my week was more like Friday Saturday and Sunday. Although the week does have it surprises, I just wish that sometimes it included more of the money making! Ha... But... if every weekend is an assured chance to brush up against the robes of Christ, then I'm quite fortunate. Don't you think? Quite...

Barlowgirl

The other day I was searching out Christian book stores in my area and stumbled across a local one that is closing. This place has been open since I moved in. Everything was 40% off so of course I took advantage. I guess I was late though because when I headed straight back to the CD section all the really good stuff was taken. No nothing I was familiar with. Then I noticed a CD and book packaged together by Barlowgirl. USUALLY, I would be annoyed with the name alone and not even pick up the item but I remember hearing a song by them a year ago when Ali was still planning her trip to Austria... (she's coming back Tuesday by the way. The heavens rejoice!) and really loving it. So, seeing as how it was not even $10 anymore I bought it. And since then my CD player has been blasting this all girl Christian rock band... and loving it. I went to Michigan this weekend and read the whole book there and back. Soaked it up into my pores. Sometimes God gives you special gifts right? Well I feel like this was one of them. Reading that book I just kept thinking "this is gonna be me..." And then just praying and praying for the talents to get it done. AH! God is bigger. I keep saying it and every step I take into His unknown territory, I believe it more. His ways are not like the worlds. And that is a grand truth to remember.
So besides Barlowgirl, I can't get Leeland or David Crowder off my I-pod. I swear they are every other song. Good stuff.
Good to be home.

lyrics on mind

Every day is a blessing. Everywhere I look I see miracles. Everywhere I turn I'm being affirmed, in faith and in works. GUYS!!! HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD?!

we were meant to live for so much more.-switchfoot
with his breath in my lungs i am coming undone. and i cannot hold it in and remain composed.- David Crowder Band
we don't know what we're doing, lets do it again! -switchfoot
you make me want to be brave- nichole nordeman
im carried to the table, seated where i don't belong! -leeland

Rock on Jesus

I get really nervous when I'm on stage. Last Saturday I did pretty well tho. Any mistakes that I made I blame it on the fact that I forgot my music and had to write it all out by memory. Anyway,
So to eliminate stage fright I borrowed a mic stand and a music stand from the church and set them up on my back porch. Along with my amp, plugged in guitar, and mic, I was rockin! Actually, believe it or not whenever I imagined there to be a real audience my hands fumbled on the strings. Ha... yeah, I'll get it.
I was totally in my own moment out there when I looked up to find a white man standing off in the grass watching me. UM! Yeah! I was on my back porch, and wondering who this guy was. He looked so happy tho! Come to find out he was my neighbor from up the hill (seeing as how we are in the middle of nowhere I just thought that all our neighbors were considered foreigners.) He said he could hear me from his garden, where he had been working. Haha.. cool right? He heard me playing and had to come down.
So his name is Bill. He used to be a wicked awesome guitar player and would play for bands and travel all over. Then he gave up the life to be an electrician and work 10 hours a day. About a year ago he gave his life to Christ. Since then he's been playing for his church praise team and teaching youngins how to play guitar. How cool is that? my NEIGHBOR! Haha. Bill said he's still getting to know Christian music, but loves what he hears. The dude plays by ear. He ran up and got his guitar and the two of us ended up jammin on the porch till well after dark. The plan is to keep jammin as often as we can and hopefully in the near near future I can join him at his church.
How awesome is God. I swear, I'm meeting the coolest people this summer. And it's all by His grace. If this is the way He plans on playing my life, then I say Jesus Rock On! (haha yeah, a little corny there.. heee)

Lost In The Grip Of Grace

-Art work by Melanie Rich
Check out her one-a-day paintings. All original. All good stuff at. www.redheadart.blogspot.com


Doesn't the picture make you happy? Jesus holds everyone like this... Sigh. When is heaven? He's mesmerizing, isn't He? Brilliant.

The Bridge Builder

An old man walking a lonesome road
Came at the evening cold and grey
To a chasm vast wide and deep
With waters running cold and deep.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim
The rolling stream had no fears for him,
But he turned when safe on the other side
And he built a bridge to span that tide.

Old man said a fellow traveler near
You're wasting your strength with building here
Your journey will end with the passing day
You'll never again going to pass this way
You've crossed the chasm deep and wide
Why build you this bridge at even tide
The builder lifted his old grey beard and said
Good friend, in the path that I have come he said
There follows after me today
Youth whose feet must pass this way
The chasm that was not for me
To that fair head youth be a pitfall be
He too must cross in the twilight dim good friend
I'm building this bridge for him
-Author Unknown

Just Add Tape

I havn't printed them yet, but I think this is the final design. Good?

Lyre Praise

This world is filled with beautiful people with beautiful souls. You never know who you will share company with. From one minute to the next life is a crazy whirlwind of change, ha ha. And if you take the time to make plans, like I did, you could very well end up in the presence of the kind of subtle greatness that will sweep you up into the whole tornado of a mess.
My unplanned and random travels lead me to the living room and then the concert of Dave and Kris. Dave, being an amazing guitarist/produce/singer, and his wife Kris a lyrical genius/guitarist/singer. It was William who introduced me to these two diamonds. And William who took me to their Coffee House concert where we praised the night away. I guess you could say that music is their hobby, but it's so much more than that. I wouldn't call it a career either. It's more of a calling; something ingrained in the life they made together, in their insides.
And these two wonders of people are going to help me make a demo. Remember that one that I wrote about in my last blog? The demo I need to sing for Leeland? alsdkjllgasdflashdgoasjdljndns! Of all original Crystal Cheatham music?!
Sing Hallelujah! Like King David said, Praise Him with they Lyre, with singing and dancing. Praise Him

Ha Ha

Just a little Sabbath humor. Hardy har har. Happy weekendings.

Open it and Mic it

Yesterday I found out about an open mic that is held about 45 minutes from my house. On a last minute whim I got redressed for the day and headed to see this place. It's actually a pretty chill coffee house. I'm sure that on a weekend that place is packed. I arrived to late to actually participate, but you could tell that those guys were really having fun. But as my 45 minute stay wore into an hour, I started to wonder where a Christian artist would fit in. Doing open mic is a great idea, but I wonder how all of that would go over, seeing as how most of the people there were homosexuals. Ha, not that I have an issue with them. I think it's they who might have found issues with Christians. So sad...
So do I cross open mic off the list of venues? Is that it?!

I'm finding so many questions and so many obstacles. God point me to an open door...

LEELAND!

Today I'm sending in a demo so that I can open for Leeland in the fall. HOW SWEET IS THAT! I'm also trying to be one of the summer performers at Hershey Park. *sigh... As long as there's a crowd right?

Singing at TrueWind was a big thing for me. But after doing that I feel like I can do anything. They say that performing in front of a crowd that you know is often harder than performing in front of hundreds of strangers. Which I believe to be true. In all my singing experience I have never been more frightened than when I was singing in front of my peers at AU or in this case TrueWind. BUT God was there! Dave Ferguson took the time, before my performance to pray over my shaking hands and I was able to pluck away on my guitar without any bother. It was so much fun. I'm craving crowds.

And I just wrote another song. It's called Fall. Probably my favorite thus far. I want feedback so I'm going to figure out a way to get the song onto my blog. Anyway, good day yall.

Guys, Guys Look At This!

This image has been in my head for the longest time. And I told Melanie about it and she drew it...
Words are few, more on this later.
JUST LOOK!

This is for my next CD. The one featuring ALL Crystal Cheatham hand written music. JUST WAIT TILL IT IS IN COLOR!
(insert virtual hug for Melanie)

Knowledge For Life

I don't know how many of you noticed but on the left side of my page I have a tiny column titled "Fruther Musings." And there I have placed a link to a book blog I started ages ago. Although I have yet to keep up on it I have placed something there for your ultimate enjoyment. You see, gentle audience, I am not the only writer in my family (I would say house but Anthony is his own echo system now). Although our styles are completely different, I know great things will come of my brothers words. I posted something that I believe is wonderful. It is a speech he made for his class. His teacher loved it so much he is presenting it to the board of PennState. How 'bout them apples? So click on the link yall! "I Turned These Pages"
And if and when you see my brother, tell him he needs a blog.

Puppy Tales

I've learned a few things from my dog Alexus

1.For the longest time she wouldn't come down the stairs to my room. No matter how lonely she was upstairs she would just stand at the landing and look all puppy sad while I descended into the abyss of the basement. When everyone would leave in the morning she would have a time barking up a storm. I of course, asleep snugly in my bed could hear her down stares. And then one day the barking was gone. I woke up late because of that! Then stepping out of the shower I found her at my feet, waiting for the wet dripping Crystal to come out of the shower! It was wicked cool. And I thought wow, how often do I let my fears take a hold of me? How long have I been staring down the corridor at what I wanted only to be to frightened of the darkness and the steepness to descend into personal satisfaction. Fear. What a myth.

2.Thursday morning I took Alexus in to the vet to be spayed. When I went to go pick her up the doctor gave strict orders about keeping her from licking her stitches. Last night Ham wasn't home so Alexus slept with me. She woke up about 3 times to attack her stitches. Silly puppy. I had to guard her belly while she fidgeted and sought after the wound. All the while I'm thinking "quite licking your stitches! The damage is done, now it has to heal." At some point during the long night I even told her that, hoping that she would find some ease or compassion in my voice. AH! But what have I been doing since I missed my performance in Pittsburgh! I haven't stopped beating myself up. I haven't stopped wishing and going back over what happened and how I ended up at BMA instead of the youth rally. I punked out. I panicked and took my eyes off Christ. And since then I haven't stopped licking my wounds. Goodness... How big is my God? How small are my thoughts...

UGH!

is what you say when you are annoyed driving down the highway with a $167 ticket in your glove compartment. My Saturday afternoon plans of Pittsburgh were FOILED! And now I'm even more confused about what I'm doing with myself! alsdkfjasldfjasdlkfjalskdfjalekgjaldkjalsdfjalskdfjasldkfjalsdfgaihgweoiblskljsdsdfj! OH summertime. GRRRRR!
So frustrated So annoyed.
It was a nice day for a random drive though. A great day to drive absolutley nowhere. I know it was all my decision. My driving fast, my turning around, my failure, but I can't help but asking where God was in all this. What else do I have to do? What exactly am I doing?

We'll just count this as a moment of weakness. Good can come of anything, right? Let's hope so...
God is bigger

oh brother

i love my brothers. i love love love them!
that is all

LoveActually

Within one week I stood at the two different airports reenacting the first and final scenes from Love Actually. You know the one. Everyone is tumbling out of the terminal gate. All the friends and family are waiting behind a metallic fence for their loved ones to come strolling out, dropping luggage and throwing out their arms for hugs and kisses.
The first time I was in Baltimore waiting for Becky to finally arrive. And when she finally did, over an hour and a half later than she was supposed to, I couldn't restrain myself from squealing and jumping/running into her arms. At least these actions were mutual, therefore there was no embarrassment. Gosh, it felt SO GOOD!
And just now I've come from JFK in NYC where we waited behind a pack of people searching for Molly. She was stepping on US soil for the first time in 8 months. Austria made her tan and thin. Once again, it felt sooo gooood... I miss those guys. Distance is a horrible torture. But once the gaps are filled in by travel, the meeting and greeting is all the better.

Tag is for Kids

I was tagged by Melanie!

Ok list 7 random/interesting/odd things about yourself. Then list 7 people whom you tag that will have to repost their own lists.

1. I live with my mother. Haha!
2. I rarely clean my room. I think that since I came home in December I've cleaned it almost 3 times. I say almost because I think I started cleaning it and doing my laundry, but all my washed and unwashed clothes just ended up in seperate piles all over the floor. HA
3. Because I have the basement allll to myself I usually use the facilities without closing the door. To much info? Maybe...
4. I am shy.
5. I am a horrible student and hate studying. I can't stand school. blah! but I LOVE learning about new things... so I read. An unconventional scholar is what I would call myself.
6. My most favoritest movie in the whole wide world is Love Actually. I guess this isn't an odd or random thing for a girl to admit... oh well
7. I can't stand it when people cut their toe nails with fingernail clippers. It drives me MAD. I'd rather you used scissors or maybe a real toenail clipper. but not the toenail clippers that look like giant fingernail clippers. i have to use the ones that have the clippers on the side. Ah they are so nice. and using the ugly toenail clippers on your fingernails is ALSO disgusting. ugh, gives me shivers...

I tag
David Lawerence
Rebekah Ann Bickerstat
Phillis Gray
Jayb McMillion
Alison Schwartzenager
Molly Shoostah
and...
Adam Freaking Laisi

LoOk whAt I FouNd!

http://illustrationFriday.com
GO THERE! it is the coolest and best place i've found on the internet since myspace. and myspace is mixed evil anyway. this place is soooo great for encouraging creativity! AND I intend to participate!

Jane is In

Me and Bon Jovi rock the same guitar. HOW COOL IS THAT?! Rock on music lovers. ROCK ON!

poor pedrito

Pray for Pedro. He's at the doctor with oh so many ailements. Oh so MANY! I need to get him fixed before next week. Cuz that's when WIFEY COMES! HORAH! best day ever...

woot Woot!

Happiness is realizing you need a full time job and then getting one the very next day. So I know this guy, he's really good to me. If you ever need anything you should look him up. The name's Jesus. Enjoy!

Day 7 (part 1)

I can't say how much I love my church members. I can't remember ever finding this kind of family and support from church. I guess growing up in a religion like mine it has always just been a ritual; a time to see friends and sing songs. But goodness... it's so supportive. We have become our own group. We care for each other we listen to one another. Ah, Saturday afternoons are my favorite. There is just so much reflecting over our week and our experiences, both common and unalike. So much support and good natured fun...
I'm slightly frustrated because the way that I feel I can't seem to express quite right in words yet. So, this is what I will leave you about this matter for now. There is a whirlwind more to say and this entry is not tribute enough.

Happy Sabbath. And for those of you without a Sabbath, Blessings!

Knots and Loopings

I'm strangely dispirited today. Easy to anger. Usually when I get like this a good run with Switchfoot or Casting Crowns blaring in my ears does me well. agh. I went for a walk. Still disheartened. It looks like it's going to rain. Do you ever know that something is on your mind but you can't pin point the middle of the tangle? There's a knot but you can't find the two opposite strings to begin breaking down all the little loops and circles. It's a restless kind of feeling. One you want to shove off the end of a cliff into the oblivion of not caring. Ugh. Frustrating.

But I am still clay
If I could but touch His robe
A handful of hem
If I could walk across this water
And turn mustard seed into mountain
Oh bring me to Your table
Respond to my reaching
Be the brave in my beating heart
And untangle what lies there in
Oh Lord I know
I know
I am still clay

A Natural Experience

The other day I woke up with little matter on my agenda. It's like a another world, living out here. Natures natural hum and harmony blending into the quiet. A quiet void of cars, trucks, and angry neighbors. The day before Ham had mowed the lawn. I don't know what it is about freshly cut grass, but that day it did wonders for my mood. I stood on our back deck and looked out at the 2 acres of land guarded by the surrounding woods, it was so peaceful, so beautiful! I thought "goodness, I want to do something to complement this scenery!" So I got a broom and started sweeping off all the decomposing leaves that had blown their way in between the cracks and spaces in the deck. I swept and swept, gathering leaves, small twigs, and spider webs till there was a huge pile on one side of the deck. Then with the end of the broom I shimmied the Mother Nature's leftovers between the wooden railings and off the side of the hill by our house. I was happy watching all the little leaves fall over the edge to the ground where they would turn back into dirt. Stepping back I surveyed my work. The deck was clean! I arranged the furniture and wiped off the table only to step back again and notice what my labor had accomplished. After all that I still wanted to do more. For who?
It wasn't enough to clean up and get rid of last years plant life that had accumulated on the deck, I wanted nature closer than all the way out in the field. I wanted nature to come, alight on my deck, and live closest to the house. SO, even though I am a poor poor student I left the house and came back with a trunk full of flowers and pots. By then I had decided that this was a gift for mom, who seldom gets gifts 'just because.'
Potting and placing those plants on the deck was absolutely the best work experience I've had all semester. I welcomed the sweat down my back and the dirt in my finger nails. I was proud of the ache in my thighs from standing and squatting repeatedly over those little pots. I didn't even get mad at Alexus for getting all dirty when I watered the flowers with the hose.
The hardest part of it all was realizing that what I had done was good, and then having to wait for mom to get home to see it. And then I knew, without a doubt that He was telling me something. How on earth am I going to raise $40,000 this summer? I asked Him repeatedly throughout the day. And there the answer was, in the work of my hands, in the hours devoted to my task, in the way I had given up my meager funds to make someone else happy.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
Luke 6:38

With One Life

Saturday I stood up in church during the testimony time to tell everyone that I was going back to AU next year. This went over well, of course they were all proud I was returning to finish my education. I then told them that my goal for the summer was to sing as much as possible, write as much as I could, and sell as many Cd's as I could get out. The goal being to raise $40,000 for tuition and school. All the while thinking, My God is Bigger than this sum!
Since I said those words there have been moments of absolute reassurance that I can do this. Then there are times when I just don't believe in myself at all. Those times are always eaten away with the acidic and addictive allure of hope. It's seeping in through the cracks in the walls. Everywhere I turn I am finding affirmation and support for this summers work. I honestly, and wholeheartedly believe I can do this.
When I stood up to speak in church I could read my fellow members eyes. Some glazed over, not even hearing my words. Some wouldn't meet my eyes. But there were so many of them who nodded in deep approval. For those who couldn't see my vision, maybe they are right in their own way, to believe that this large goal is unreachable in one summers work. But they can be right in their own old way. I'm just happy that I'm young enough to not see what they have seen of the world; to not feel the disappointment of pushing and shoving and not receiving any support in return. I'm glad my experience on this earth is innocent enough to not be so utterly disappointed in my fellow man, in my own ability, that I let it crowd out my abounding faith in what my Father can do. I refuse to let fear hold me back. He's DYING to do this for me, I know it! He's crying out to do it for anyone, he just needs us, wants us to ask it of Him; to expect it of Him. And this is the place where I will fight my battle from. In the old testament, when God was asked who he was, his simple yet ever perfect reply was "I Am." And yes He Is. Capable. Ready. Willing. Powerful. Omnipotent. Strong Enough. My Father. I Am. He can, and I am willing to be his instrument this summer. It's so scary, but I'm so ready for this adventure.

TrueWind THIS

I'M SINGING AT TRUE WIND! i mean i had been telling people that i was but now it is official! yayyyyaayayaayayaayyayyay!

Guitar chords run through my veins. Corny? POSSIBLY! i'm so excited. quite...

Confidence in Coincidence

It is my goal to perform somewhere every weekend for the entire summer! EVERY WEEKEND I want to sing somewhere with my good friend Jane (ahem, guitar). And by that I mean going EVERYWHERE. Up and down this coast (and possibly the other one and inbetween) I will carry my guitar, wherever I can find an open door and a stage, God willing.

And in more news:

SO, I'm trying to decide about AU. The largest thing holding me back is money. I know this for a fact. And then in my e-mail I get a random message from someone I don't even know. It is as follows....

I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me; thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God. Ps. 40:17.
Do not let your great need discourage you. The Saviour of sinners, the Friend of the friendless, with compassion infinitely greater than that of a tender mother for a loved and afflicted child, is inviting, "Look unto me, and be ye saved" (Isa. 45:22).

So is that an answer to my question? Isn't that STRANGE, but yet SUPER COOL!? My God is a God of STEALTH AND SNEAKY-LIKE BEHAVIOR. Imagine that...

Static Brain!

All good things happen in 3 weeks! WiFEY comes. Andrews gets out so I won't be alone alll summer! And WCU gets out so I won't have to keep "attending" classes. HORAH!

I had a kick ass time in MI SO MUCH FUUUUUNNNNN!! man i miss people.

SO I get home and mom asks if I want to go back to AU. WELL! MAYBE I DO! Except where on God's green earth am I going to find $20,000 laying around? Or maybe I want to go to WCU... now that I have a choice... POOP!

My mind is everywhere. I can't focus. I need to write things and get stuff done but I have static brain. SORRY! SORRY IF I HAVE STATIC BRAIN AND CAN'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE RIGHT THINGS THIS INSTANT!

Oh static brain. OH!

Half & Half

I had the greatest time last night. I introduced Jane to the stage. I played her while I sang at Fusion. It takes my breath away every time I walk out in front of an audience. And even more so when I have the chance to join that audience in praise and worship. But I did sing last night...

I would like to say that I sang my heart out to the hundreds of people there, but that isn't so much truth. I did sing, I did strum, but I felt half of me was out there. I don't know what it was but I felt like I left Him back stage. Why didn't I take Him with me?

*sigh... I think I was singing for me; listening to my own voice, congratulating myself on my musical knowledge. All the while He was the one who instilled in me a desire and likening to music. He was the one who heard my prayer to sing...

And what did I do? I left Him back stage and sang half heartedly. I know I reached some people, but just think what that song could have done if He was with me...

-Keep your lanterns lit. Keep watch all through the night, you will never know when He will come asking for you to be ready. You just never know when the thief will come-

Like A Magnet

Today I drove 10 hours to be here in Michigan. Although it is deathly cold (as one would expect), it was well worth the drive. Just this night alone. Just the deep embracing, the greetings and mood inspired laughing. Just the faces, the noted changes in the last 4 months. The chatter... the questions. "I love you, I missed you." An occasion to ignore homework; to trade in sleep deprivation for a rare chance at catching up. Gosh I miss this. It was well worth the 20 accumulated hours of solitude. My ipod served me well.

Oh sweet familiarity! I am a moth to the flame...

I am Woman

This post is for Melanie.
I can't say I've ever written a poem like this before. Or even in this fashion. But I was inspired; and then by Melanie I was supported.

Men love our curves
That is where we keep our mystery.
We balance worlds on our hips and
Cradle innocence in the crook of our arms.
Our breasts support, comfort, and drain the tears of pain and
Confusion.
The dip from our neck to our well crafted shoulders is where we bid fear to slide and slither away; where
knowledge and pride rest gracefully.
The collar bone to the chin is home to deep seeded passions and secrets
Never ending secrets.
The arch of the back to the hollow of our spine and
Our calves tilted high is
Where you might find constellations of surprise
The flip of our wrists, the palm of our hands is where
We give our thanks, how we show our praise.
Our sturdy fingers, knuckles and nails catch oceans of hope, winds of change…
The hollows of our eyes to the strength in our thighs
Makes us powerful, mystical, desired…
And thus
Creates us
Woman

when morning breaks

The road to self discovery is entitled to its ups and downs. But none can conquer what one feels when made aware of the final destination. Just the shimmering outline of the horizon looming over the darkest of hills is enough to make you fall and weep on your knees. It seems to be an involuntary buckling of the joints that drags the shins to the dirt. But there is no betrayal to the mission in this action. No, Despite what we think, the body knows, it KNOWS that to give thanks is the most natural reaction to a journey meeting it's finale. It must stop and thank our Creator that 'yes' we, body mind and soul, made it this far. And as the tears and sweat and blood mingle with the dirt that made you and one day will become you, the journey's reoccurring theme of despondency is endurable because you've never felt so great in your life. Never... It's the painful malaise of the birth and the overpowering beauty that ensues; the mingling of the sticky sweat of a progressive struggle with the sweet and unbridled tears of flowing praise. How wonderful. How lovely... And that's just the horizon. Just the beginning.

Ask and you shall receive. He needs our words; our affirmation to put the world in our hands.

And I

Today I arrived at work five hours early so I decided to spend some leisurely hours at Barnes&Noble; the gateway to information. It was another half hour away and even though the gas prices keep on arising I made the journey.
And then I lazed in the chairs gazing over books and magazines whilst listening to my ipod.
And I watched people saunter to and from shelves with one book and maybe two...
And I glared at the woman who didn't hire me (that was my favorite thing...)
And then I bought 2 books simply because of the fact that I couldn't help myself.
The Road by Cormac McCarthy & The Memory Keeper's Daughter by Kim Edwards.
And even though I still had two hours to spare before my real shift began, I was happy, because I got to spend my afternoon in a complete dream world.
Alas, life is good

Pity Party

Today I turned 22. I had to work early this morning at my book keeping job. Then I worked a double at Applebees and didn't get out til 8:30. Which means I missed all but two singers on American Idol. *sigh... And when I did get home mom was gone to her meeting. I knew she wouldn't be there because she woke me up early to wish me happy birthday. Albert was home for a moment and didn't mention my birthday. Ham on the other hand got me some perfume. What a nice little brother. All in all, I'm having my own pitty party. It was a nice day I guess, when stood up and compared to all the other ordinary days. But this was my BIRTHDAY; only coming but once a year. A day for me. Is it bad of me to wish that it had something special in it? I mean... *sigh. Something?
But anyway. HOrah for 22. and HOrah for wifey. without her, the day would have been a total bust.

Older

twenty-two
when do i become grown
as of tuesday, this will be my worth in years

i've decided that when i finally do have kids (in about 10 years) i'm going to name my first girl child Starr. i've decided that when i finally do give birth to a small girl child, it will be in the morning, and in the spring. and... and that's all i've decided for now. happy sabbath friends.

train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it. - the bible ;)

Limerick

Today was the strangest day. I'm not even sure I lived it yet. I woke up this morning and talked to God about some personal things that have been on my heart. Usually I try to make time for Him in the morning. I attempt to ingest a slice of scripture. At the least I talk to him in the shower or on my way to work. But today I woke up with dread. Have you ever felt that? My mind was heavy with worry and negative wonder before I was fully awake. Usually those moments we spend between worlds whilst waking are where we remember our true selves. The time of day where there is no pressure to be or do or need... Of course it quickly dissipates into forcing ones self out of a cocoon of warmth (*sigh in remembrance). Today I was robbed of that whole modus operandi. It seems that my mental morning ritual was strained and stressed. I woke up sweating and anxious; about what I know not. But I went about my morning as usual and everything seemed fine. Then work, then class... And here is where the feeling came back. I didn't know how to shake it friends.
After class I had Pedro, a cup of coffee, and about $10 in gas. There are a plentitude of things I could have done with such provisions. What did I do?
Every week I seem to have a song of choice. This week I can't stop listening to "Sound of Melodies" by Leeland. So down went my windows and up my volume. And I was filled with praise, almost to the point of tears. So strange... my heart was so full. So full of just... mirth. What's another word? Something better than merriment? Joy? Gosh... the English language is limiting. I needed to talk and to be understood. I needed to cry. I needed someone. I needed my dad.
In the six years since his death I have not once visited my dads grave. Of course there have been plans and dates set to visit... But I guess my explanation for why I never did requires insight from the bible. 'There is a time for everything.' I read that last night, before I fell asleep. Gosh...
And so... me and Pedro traveled to Limerick Memorial Gardens to visit dad. It was the perfect evening to go... Just Spring.
I'm not sure what else I can say now. I'd like to keep going, tie it all up in a nice ending for you, but I'm still not sure why I made that trip, and what it means to me now... I do know that it was perfect. That and something in me is changing. Something... *sigh

Jazz Tape

Music makes a difference, doesn' it. My dad had this tape that he loved to play in the van rides to and from any week day destination. And I can't complain because I fell in love with it too. His favorite song to play was "What A Wonderful World" by Loui Armstrong. Today that song is near and dear to my heart for the simple fact that dad found so much solace in it. But the song that drew me in every time I heard it as a child was actually the song that I named my blog after. 'One Moment in Time,' was sung by Whitney Houston way back when she was skinny by nature and not by drug habits. Haha. Yes it's true... In those moments, riding shot gun to and from school with dad and my brothers, all I loved about the song was Whitney's voice and the sound of the music. As I grew older the tape was lost but the song continued to find me in elevators, supermarkets, and restaurants who pumped late 80's and early 90's music as mood softeners for their customers. Pretty soon the lyrics played in my mind over and over again till the song was more than just easy listening. It was a reason to stop my personal shopping and inwardly sing along to Whitney's passionate vocals. Today that song brings to me a bit of nostalgia mixed with awe. It's strange that a secular song can pump my veins with so much energy and longing. But then again, whenever I hear that song the only thing I can think about is doing something inredible for Christ; for what I believe in. I don't think my dad knew what he started in me when he played that cassette in the car. But I'm sure he would be proud of the aftermath.

One Moment in Time
Each day I live
I want to be a day to give the best of me
I'm only one, but not alone
My finest day is yet unknown
I broke my heart for ev'ry gain
To taste the sweet, I faced the pain
I rise and fall, yet through it all this much remains
I want

One moment in time
When I'm more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heart beat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I'm racing with destiny
Then in that on moment of time
I will feel, I will feel eternity

I will live to be the very best
I want it all, no time for less
I've laid the plans
Now lay the chance here in my hands
Give me

(Chorus)

You're a winner for a lifetime
If you seize that one moment in time
Make it shine
Give me

JANE!

Tab on the guitar is the equivalent to notes on sheet music. the only difference is that the placement of the notes are not as accurate as the ones placed in piano music. therefore, a lot of the deciphering and decoding is left to the ear. I'm wondering how I did not fall into this form of playing before. I have dabbled in it of course, to learn Switchfoot and Chris Rice. But recently, I have fallen in love with it thanks to the late Eva Cassidy. I see doors to natural dissection of guitar theory opening up to me. Knowledge at my fingertips. Chord progressions and picking styles. WHAT A WORLD. How did I miss it so readily? Me and Jane (name of guitar) will go far.

is there an exorcist in the house?

Three to four days a month mild mannered (haha yet dramatic) Crystal is transformed into a self centered and insecure ball of moodiness. Not to forget the neediness that static clings my feelings to any unsuspecting kindred spirit. Suddenly every-day human interactions are mentally broken down and dissected in an analytical circuit that (no matter what the physical task at hand may be)cannot be broken or interrupted. The conclusions of these mild delusions are often passionate pleas for more love, more attention, or repellents of any of the slightest bit of otherwise tolerable irritations. My appetite is no longer wired through my stomach. It takes some alternate route that never really sends signals to my brain until my body is faint and my extremities weak. Then, as if to riot the sudden change in diet, I can eat with an adequate supply of hunger only to find that my taste buds are revolted with whatever scrumptious delights I lay hands on! What is this demon that captures it's monthly feed on my body? PMS! PMS MUST BE STOPPED. It is RUINING my LIFE! Isn't there some exorcism? Some remedy... cry...

Settling in for Spring

Anthony is on the couch watching a movie eating chicken. His Africa hoody is draped over the back of our leather couch, matching Pumas in the corner. He's lounging. With his legs spread and his torso supported by his arm.
Mom is on the computer in the sun room. The sun has long since set and now the only light that illuminates her frame is what is shining head on from the screen. She sits in a straight backed kitchen chair, slightly hunched over the keyboard. Her hand poised on the mouse... ready to conquer and divide. Haha, those darn cards...
Ham is in his room. Downloading, typing, watching TV. Today he let Anthony take a buzzer to his head. All his glorious Samson locks covered my bathroom floor. Now those well grown hairs blanket the bottom of the trash can that sits at the end of our driveway. Tomorrow is trash day.
Albert. Busy Albert. He's buzzing around. Cell phone to house phone. Kitchen for scrounging to fill a belly that has emptied over the past week. Then off to his portable office; his car, our dining room table, the living room. Always in passing. Consulting a mother in the sun room. Falling asleep awkwardly on the couch, the bed, the floor, all three at once. Albert is home.
Then dear Alexus. Chewy, sleepy, sporadic Alexus. Searching for a game, a quick rub behind the ears, or an easy snatch at a morsel of food. Her only busy-bodied rival would be Albert. Neither can settle on a home.
And I... I write, I play guitar, dream, imagine.. saunter upstairs to visit the happenings. Nothing new... drink some water.
*sigh, it's comfortable the way we live this Sunday. The lazy day for our family

chillins a plenty

the children have been here all week. tomorrow they depart. the house will be quiet without them. oh small chillins.

White Boy

Turns out Jeff is an amazing guitarist. Mostly he's too humble for his own good. We had a late night jam session in my rec room the other night. Afterwords I fed him left over mac&cheese and greens. He actually ate the greens, what a brave boy. Anyway, so he started helping me write the guitar part to this new song I wrote called "Sabbath Shoes (aka Sunday Shoes). The guitar he started putting to it was so wild. Man, as a song writing duo, we make a great time. I'm glad I ran into him at work. He's so ready to get out there and play. He plays for the Praise team at his church. Hopefully I get a chance go sing up there. We're working on it. And get this, I might have a chance at a small time christian record label. horah for Crystal? Yes, Horah!

(And, Happy First Day of Spring)

Lyricist

I'm writing music again. Times are good.

INDIAN MAN

Tonight me and Jeff went to Dunken Donuts to grab coffee. The indian guy was closing it down so Jeff put a dollar in his tip jar and we went back to Pedro to drink, chat, and listen to jams. Jeff was sad because inside he noticed that there were no donuts. poor Jeff. So anyway, we are sitting in Pedro when the Indian guy unlocks the Dunken Donuts door and walks over to PEdro to deliver 3 donuts to us. Horah! We were so happy. THen he goes back inside and keeps loooking out at us. Indian man goes into the back room and then comes out with a BAG of donuts. lol. He unlocks the DD door again and hands them to us. THen, in not so perfect english, he asks us to wait for 15 minutes, which isn't hard cuz me and Jeff are chattinga way and talking about guitars and such. THEN, dun dun dun. 15 minutes later lights begin to go out in the store and the Indian guy emerges from the back and comes around to my side of the car. lol SO, what do I do? I get out and let him in! And THEN he instructs us how to get to the next Dunken Donuts which is about 1 mile up the road. lol. I let him out, he thanks us... and that is that! HoW WONDERFUL! I LOVEd it. Indian MAN was so happy! I wonder if he does that often, trades donuts for a ride.

I'll See It Through

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly
-Langston Hughes

The Possible’s slow fuse is lit
By the Imagination
-Emily Dickinson

It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves
-Sir Edmund Hillary

If people knew how hard I have had to work to gain mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful. -Michelangelo

Whoever would one day learn to fly must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying
-Friedrich Nietzsche

"Goodness. What do we have here? Looks like I might be pointed & headed in a direction. All the discussions sound about right. The feeling is promising. The motives are properly supported... All I need now, is time."
She licked her finger, sliding it upwards into the clear blue sky. "I see the wind is nice and strong, for the sails. How convenient that it's pointing towards my planned destination. I have provisions enough for the trip. I believe all I need now is to commit and see it through..." Withdrawing her hand from the sky she slipped it into the drawstring of her bag, gingerly stepped off the swaying dock and into the gently bobbing boat. "Are you afraid?" Her heart asked her mind. "No," the mind replied, "Father is with us."
-Crystal D. Cheatham

When I Fall In Love

Today I was in B&N and found myself amongst friends. I was in Seattle when I made acquaintances with The Time Travelers Wife and the Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime. I was stumbling through Sophomore year when I found solace in Asher Lev and The Chosen. I was discovering life outside historical fiction when my mother placed The Nanny Diaries in my hands. I Know this Much is True and Angela's Ashes distracted my solemn heart the year my father passed. Walking the isles as my eyes searched for new arrivals, my heart would leap before my mind could notice that I had read that one. My heart would remember as if it say "Ah dear friend, that time I stayed up with you all night discovering..." Or "How do you do Frank? I'm glad you survived Asher... Morrie, do you remember when you taught me endurance?" Today I realized, from those rich pangs of memory inflicted on my heart, that it is possible to be in love with books. I know, because I am. Maybe it's the magic that I've found in them...

"People disappear when they die. Their voice, their laughter, the warmth of their breath. Their flesh. Eventually their bones. All living memory of them ceases. This is both dreadful and natural. yet for some there is an exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continue to exist. We can rediscover them. Their humor, their tone of voice, their moods. Through the written word they can anger you or make you happy. They can comfort you. They can perplex you. They can alter you. All this, even though they are dead. Like flies in amber, like corpses frozen in ice, that which according to the laws of nature should pass away, is, by the miracle of ink on paper, preserved. IT is a kind of magic."
-Dianne Setterfield